1. Coldcall – A “cold call” is an unsolicited visit or telephone call made by someone trying to sell goods or services.
2. Loaded – When Ansada holds up the phone to Jack to see what would happen, he’s surprised that it fires like a gun.
3. Help – A quite literal “call for help.” “Ring around the collar” was a slogan used for a detergent ad in the early 1970s.
4. Hijack – Someone greets Jack by saying “hi.” Jack takes it the wrong way.
5. Formee – Jack thinks about Gary Glitter (a pop star in the 70s). “Formee” (sounding like “for me”) is the name of the person that’s calling, but Jack gets confused when Ansada tries to explain this.
6. Gramma – A gramophone is an old fashioned record player.
7. Telly – “Kojak” was an American crime drama television series in the 70s starring Telly Savalas. Phrases like “Who loves ya, babe?” and “Kootchy Koo” were associated with Kojak.
8. Hugh 1 – “Wuthering Heights” is a famous novel written by Emily Bronte. Mr Hugh Wozzit (sounding like “who was it”) calls for Ansada.
9. Hugh 2 – Jack tries to explain that Hugh Wozzit called, but Ansada gets confused.
10. Poultry – A chicken walks by defining what poetry is, to which Ansada remarks “poultry in motion” rather than “poetry in motion.”
11. Moustache – Ansada wonders whether Jack’s hair and moustache are real. Jack gets bugged.
12. Band – Ansada wonders if the phone will say “Ring” if he says “A wedding…,” but the phone refuses to cooperate and says “Band” (as in “ a wedding band”) instead.
13. Stevie – When Ansada says “Batter…,” the phone refuses to cooperate by saying “Ring!” and instead says “Late than never!” (Better late than never). Stevie Wonder wrote a famous song in 1984 called “I just called to say I love you”.
14. Postman – Instead of the usual single “ring,” the phone rings several times (giving Ansada multiple starts). When Jack tells Ansada that it was the postman, Ansada remarks that “The postman always rings twice” referring to a famous novel, and movie adaptation of the same title.
15. Dang – Ansada tries to take revenge on the phone for scaring him, but the phone gets mad and kicks Ansada’s butt.
16. Distance – Ansada thinks that if he moves the phone far away from him, he might not get scared of the ring. The attempt fails.
17. Frost – When Jack starts to feel hot, Ansada dumps a bag of ice on top of him, then calls him “Jack Frost” (a personification of frost, cold, ice and freezing weather).
18. Rabbit – When Jack feels peckish and starts eating a carrot, Ansada is reminded of a bunny and calls him a “Jackrabbit.”
19. Pharmacy – When Ansada feels peckish, he tries to order some food – from a pharmacy.
20. Flat – When a stranger asks Ansada for directions to a gas station, the stranger accidentally mentions “flat – u – lens” (flatulence).
21. Sikh 1 – When a Sikh man introduces himself, Jack misunderstands him to think he’s “sick.”
22. Sikh 2 – The man’s name sounds like “I can’t sing.” Jack doesn’t believe it, and wonders if this is all a “sick” joke.
23. Sikh 3 – The man finds Ansada Fone’s name quite funny. When he finds Jack’s name funny as well, Jack thinks the man has a “sick” sense of humour.
24. April – Jack tries to play an April Fool’s joke on Ansada, but is told that he’s too late. Jack decides to make up for it by telling him “belated April Fools.”
25. Chordless – When the phone plays a single note on the guitar, Ansada remarks that it is a “Chordless” (cordless) phone.
26. Bone 1 – Ansada remarks that the phone is a “touch bone” (touch-tone, or push-button) phone.
27. Bone 2 – Ansada remarks that he’s making an overseas “bone” call (an overseas phone call).
28. Bone 3 – Jack starts to sing “This old man” but instead of saying “give the dog a bone” he says “give the DOUG a bone.”
29. Bone 4 – Doug replies “in the flesh” which is pretty corny considering that he is a skeleton and has no flesh. Then, instead of saying “skeletons in my closet,” Doug says “humans in my closet” (because he is a skeleton).
30. Bone 5 – Doug says that artists often starve (because it’s hard to become financially successful as an artist). Doug implies that he’s been starving so long, he’s become a skeleton.
31. Bone 6 – Instead of saying “bonafide,” Doug says “Bone-afide.” He refers to renting a famous 1984 movie called “This is Spinal Tap” (Get it? Spinal?). A “skeleton key” is a kind of master key that can open many locks.
32. Bone 7 – A “skeleton crew” is a minimum number of people required to operate something. Instead of saying that he has two uncles, he says he has two “ankles.” Ansada remarks that he’s a “humerus” (humourous) chap.
33. Fax 1 – Ansada is not quick enough to get out of the way of a falling box, so it lands on him. When asked by Jack if he’s ok, Ansada replies that he’s a little depressed (i.e. pressed or flattened down).
34. Fax 2 – Normally, it would be common that some assembly would be required for a fax machine ( for example to attach the paper feeder, or tray). Instead, the bottom gives way and hundreds of pieces fall out.
35. Fax 3 – Jack receives a fax that has the word “RING!” on it, and when Jack reads it aloud, Ansada gets a start.
36. Fax 4 – Only envelopes require stamps. Ansada says that they should put the cover back on the machine in order to practice safe fax (safe sex).
37. Tables – “The tables are turned” is an idiom which means that a situation has changed giving the advantage to the party who had previously been at a disadvantage.
38. Krank – Ansada receives a literal “krank” call (crank call, or a prank call).
39. Shower – Ansada yells “Shower” thinking that phone will say “RING!” (as in showering), but the phone refuses to cooperate and instead turns into a bathroom shower dousing Ansada with water.
40. Priest 1 – A priest called Father Lee Love (fatherly love) appears and asks if Ansada would like to make a confession. Ansada confesses that he hates the phone.
41. Priest 2 – The priest tries to console Ansada but gets startled by the phone’s “Ring!” and concludes that the phone is in fact evil.
42. Priest 3 – The priest dismisses the idea that the phone is possessed, but changes his mind when the phone levitates and orders the priest to leave.
43. Priest 4 – The priest proposes that he should exorcise the phone, but Jack misunderstands and thinks it silly to make the phone do exercises.
44. Priest 5 – The priest begins to exorcise the phone by presenting a holy cross, holy water, and holy (hole-y) cheese.
45. Priest 6 – The priest claims that the exorcism worked, but when the phone snarls at him, the priest gets frightened and runs away
46. Weird – Ansada starts to act very strange, and for no apparent reason, chases after Jack and beats him up. And you thought the phone was weird.
47. Bathroom – Ansada starts to act strange again. Turns out Ansada really needs to go to the bathroom.
48. Alone 1 – Ansada is reluctant to leave Jack alone with the phone, but Jack assures him that he will be ok. The phone looks forward to frightening Jack.
49. Alone 2 – Jack thinks that he is safe because he is not frightened by the phone’s “Ring!” But the phone starts to grow larger and larger, which terrifies Jack.
50. Scare 1 – The phone rings, and both Ansada and Jack get a start (albeit a little delayed).
51. Scare 2 – Ansada colludes with Jack to frighten the phone in an act of revenge. It works, and the phone runs away.
52. Fright 1 – Whenever Ansada yells at the phone, Jack gets a start so he tells Ansada to stop yelling. But when Ansada yells again, Jack decides to get revenge and wears a scary mask to frighten Ansada.
53. Fright 2 – Ansada puts a pair of headphones on Jack so that he can’t hear him yell at the phone. Ansada yells at the phone and gets startled with the “Ring!” and realises that it’s not fair that he should be the only one to get a start.
54. Nose 1 – When Ansada yells “Nose!” a giant nose shows up.
55. Nose 2 – The nose’s name is Parker (nosey parker). Ansada wonders why Parker decided to DROP in (nose drops), to which Parker replies that he doesn’t normally go sticking himself (nose) into other people’s business.
56. Nose 3 – Jack is annoyed and starts making snide remarks (like runny nose, nose for news, nose flaring, and nose is blocked).
57. Nose 4 – Parker inhales deeply and sucks Jack inside. Ansada pulls Jack out and asks Parker if he thinks this is funny. Parker says that Ansada may think it’s funny but it’s not (snot).
58. Nose 5 – Parker while examining the phone inhales deeply again and sucks the phone in. The phone rings loudly causing Parker to sneeze out the phone. Parker claims that he’s in fact allergic to phones. Ansada says he is too.
59. Nose 6 – Parker says he has to “blow” (leave) and “pick a nose” out of a police line up. Ansada says not to “blow” because he doesn’t have a large tissue. The word “tissue” sounds like “a-choo!” (sneeze) to Parker who says “gesundheit.”
60. Yoga – Ansada starts to act strange again. Turns out he’s doing yoga.
61. Shaaday – This relates to a 1984 hit song called “Smooth Operator” by Sade . In the song, there is a line that says “Coast to coast, L.A. To Chicago.”
62. Revolution – Ansada quitely revolves in a 360 degree turn and tells Jack that it was a silent revolution (referring to the Quiet Revolution that began in Canada in 1960).
63. Game 1 – Jack has never heard of Hide and Seek, and asks Ansada if he has the instruction manual. Ansada explains to him how the game works, but Jack has nothing to hide behind and is therefore easily caught out.
64. Game 2 – Ansada then suggests a game of chess, to which Jack removes his shirt and claims that he has more hair. Ansada clarifies that he said “chess” not “chest.”
65. Conspiracy – Jack suggests they play a word game, but gets annoyed when he thinks the phone is trying to help Ansada.
66. Itch – Ansada starts acting strange again. Turns out that Ansada was trying not to scratch an itch.
67. Mad – Jack yells at the phone for a change, thereby frightening Ansada who gets another start when the phone rings. Ansada reacts angrily, then promptly turns his anger towards Jack for causing the mayhem in the first place.
68. Ear 1 – Ansada ponders the strange visitors that have been dropping by, like Dr. Who, eyeball (both in book 1), skeleton and a giant nose. Suddenly a giant ear appears and Ansada says ear (here) we go again.
69. Ear 2 – Ansada asks why is he ear (here), to which the ear replies that he heard something. Ansada says it’s obvious (being a giant ear), and that there’s probably not too much that he can’t hear. But the ear says “pardon?”
70. Ear 3 – The ear says his name is Muffs (ear muffs), and that he’s a musician and plays the drums (ear drums), and that he learned it by ear, and puts cotton wool inside himself to guard against the loud noise.
71. Ear 4 – Muffs’ girlfriend was the ear of famous artist Vincent Van Gogh (who had cut off his ear). Muffs and his girlfriend decided to earlobe (elope).
72. Ear 5 – Muffs says he’s a normal citizen that pays his wax…er…taxes (ear wax), and that he does ear-obics (aerobics) and that he likes all sounds, with the exception of the ring of a phone. Ansada can relate.
73. Moron – Refers to the famous Superman phrase “It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Superman!” Ansada gets annoyed when Jack says “It’s a plane!”
74. Bubble 1 – A “Jack of all Trades” (master of none) is a phrase describing someone who is decent at everything, but notespecially adept at any one thing.
75. Bubble 2 – The pop of Ansada’s bubblegum bubble terrifies the phone.
76. Bubble 3 – The phone rings and frightens Ansada. Ansada retaliates by shouting the one word that terrifies the phone.
77. Bubble 4 – The phone is about to ring again, but Ansada threatens to retaliate, so the phone surrenders and rings very softly. A guy walks in pats Ansada on the back pleased to see him, and apologises for not keeping in touch.
78. Hoodahell – He promises to do so, but has to run. Ansada has no clue who he is.
79. Cop 1 – Ansada tries to make a joke using the word Toby instead of “to be” in Shakespeare’s famous line from Hamlet, “To be, or not to be” but ends up in trouble with the “Literature Police.”
80. Cop 2 – The policeman starts to read Ansada his (Miranda) Rights (You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…etc), but since he’s a Literature police, he changes the words to incorporate “writes” instead of “rights.”
81. Cop 3 – Ansada says that he has the right to one phone call, but the phone rings so loudly, Ansada changes his mind and would rather not have anything to do with a telephone.
82. Cop 4 – Ansada offers the police $10 to tidy his hair. When the policeman asks if this is a bribe (bride), he says no this is a “groom” (groom as in bride and groom, but groom also means to take care of your appearance).
83. Cop 5 – Ansada uses big words to plead his case, including something that sounds like the largest word of all (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – from the movie “Mary Poppins”). The policeman is impressed and lets him go.
84. Dreams – A number 1 stands on the phone and demands to see Ansada. Jack tells Ansada that there is some “1” (someone) on (actually on) the phone for him (he means it all quite literally). Ansada says he’s on his T break (tea break). Jack realises he is dreaming.
85. Monster – This refers to the 2001 film called “Monster’s Ball” which starred Halle Berry, and Heath Ledger.
86. Butcher 1 – A butcher speaking in a foreign accent shows up to promote his business. Yam is a vegetable that can be served with meat. When the phone rings, the butcher tells the caller that he is in a meat-ing (meeting).
87. Butcher 2 – When the butcher mentions “male cow,” Ansada corrects him and says “bull” (male cow), but the butcher gets offended because he thinks Ansada doesn’t believe him.
88. Butcher 3 – The butcher appears to recite the beginning of a nursery rhyme (Mary had a little lamb, it’s fleece as white as snow). He also sells chops (also as in karate chops) to famous martial arts actor Jackie Chan.
89. Butcher 4 – This refers to Paul Young’s 1985 song “Everytime You Go Away” (the next line is “you take a piece of me with you”).
90. Butcher 5 – Ansada asks if he has entrecôte (entre-coat), to which the butcher says no, but he has a winter coat. When Ansada asks for a leg of lamb, the butcher misunderstands and produces a lamp instead of a lamb.
91. Butcher 6 – The butcher says his hamburger is so good he would steak (stake) his reputation on it. But Ansada looks at the tiny hamburger patty and shouts the famous catchphrase from a 1984 Wendy’s commercial: “Where’s the beef?”
92. Butcher 7 – The butcher gives Ansada an order form to fillet (fill it) out. He also says that instead of just Mr Loin, he should be addressed as “sir” Loin (like sirloin steak) because he has been knighted by the Queen. Ansada says “cut!” which not only is an expression directors use to stop enacting a scene, but can also mean a cut of meat.
93. Dexter – Dexter from the cartoon “Dexter’s Lab” shows up looking for his sister Deedee.
94. Pianist 1 – Refers to the male genitalia.
95. Pianist 2 – See above.
96. Pianist 3 – See above.
97. Grudge – Refers to the 2001 horror film called “The Grudge.”
98. Tex 1 – The opening line refers to a 1951 American western film called “High Noon.” The cowboy says he’s had injun (as in native American Indian, but means engine) problems. The last line refers to the term Withholding Tax.
99. Tex 2 – The cowboy drives a Jeep Cherokee (Cherokee also refers to a native American Indian tribe). Ansada’s next lines refer to Tax Benefit and Corporate Tax.
100. Tex 3 – Ansada’s lines refer to Income Tax, and people that want to evade tax.
101. Tex 4 – Ansada’s next lines refer to Tax Returns, and Lucky Luke (a famous Belgian comic series about a cowboy). When Ansada is forced to pay the cowboy, he confesses to Jack that he hates paying Tex (tax).
102. Attack – Ansada keeps trying on different hats. He refers this to having a mild hat (heart) attack.
103. Hats – Ansada’s hat returns like a boomerang, and hits Jack. Ansada says “Now, hat’s (that’s) entertainment.”
104. Giddyup – This time, Jack starts acting strange. He climbs up on Ansada and rides him off like a horse shouting “Hi Yo Ansada (Silver) Away” in homage to The Lone Ranger and his horse Silver.
105. Genes – Ansada sings (like Beaker from the Muppet Show singing “Danny Boy”). Jack confuses “genes” with “jeans.”
106. Wray 1 – Refers to famous blind singer Ray Charles. Ansada does not recognise the man, but Jack does and offers his hand to him, forgetting that he is blind and can’t see the gesture.
107. Wray 2 – Refers to the famous Ray Charles 1961 song “Hit the Road Jack” and the lines from that song.
108. Wray 3 – Ansada tries to be a good host, but he too forgets that he’s talking to a blind man. (What’s a blind man going to do at an art gallery?) So when he offers an alternate but equally dumb suggestion, Wray offers to drive.
109. Clown – Ewe is a baby lamb. Refers to the 1972 song by Stealers Wheel called “Stuck in the Middle with You.” The preceding line is “Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right. Here I am.”
110. Sleep 1 – Refers to the phrase “You should only speak when spoken to.”
111. Sleep 2 – Ansada fluffs up the phone like a pillow and tries to sleep on it. The phone does not like that.
112. Sleep 3 – Jack is so dumb, he (violently) wakes up Ansada to give him a sleeping pill. Uh, hello!?
113. Doc 1 – Jack is not feeling well – physically as well. He has the oddest ailments.
114. Doc 2 – Ansada gets annoyed when his phrase “which doctor” is mixed up with “witch doctor.” (A Witch Doctor is a healer of ailments caused by witchcraft).
115. Doc 3 – Ansada is impressed with the Witch Doctor’s qualifications. Not!
116. Doc 4 – The Witch Doctor gives Jack some competent medical advice.
117. Doc 5 – When the Witch Doctor offers Jack medicine made from duck parts, Ansada is assured that the doctor is a quack (which along with the sound a duck makes, is also a slang word for a bad doctor).
118. Doc 6 – The Witch Doctor solves Jack’s problems by using a voodoo doll. Ansada wishes the doctor could also solve his phone problems the same way.
119. Mobile 1 – The remote that falls out of the sky transforms the phone into a large mobile phone.
120. Mobile 2 – Ansada wonders if this transformation is an improvement. But it’s ringtone is so loud that it frightens him.
121. Mobile 3 – A press of the remote transforms the big mobile into a smaller one. Ansada giggles as the ringtone is not loud, but jumps into Jack’s arms when the mobile vibrates. Jack gets irritated by Ansada’s over reaction.
122. Mobile 4 – Mobile also means something that is able to move freely or easily. Ansada and Jack realise their little mobile phone is quite mobile.
123. Mobile 5 – A mobile phone is also called a cell phone. In this case, it is a “sell” phone.
124. Mobile 6 – It is also a WAP phone, as it gets up and dances to the Little Richard’s 1957 song “Tutti Frutti.”
125. Mobile 7 – Ansada is impressed with the various ringtones the mobile phone has, until he finds one called “Ring!”